Here's to you, dad

Man oh man are fathers important! I am so grateful that I grew up with one.
My father has always been the main provider in my family. He has always been my example of a hard worker. He has never let big, or small, things get in the way of providing for his family. He has not only been a provider financially, but he has provided for my family spiritually and emotionally. I have always been attached to my dad. He was always there to offer me advice, hugs, and his unconditional love. I can not imagine my life without my father. My mother is very important to me as well, but my father was able to give the protective kind of love. It is something I am glad I didn't grow up without.

It makes no sense to me when people say a father figure isn't necessary in a child's life. That is not true. He may not be necessary to be a financial provider. But he IS needed for the emotional aspect. Fathers, just like mothers, have a special bond and connection with their children. Only fathers have the ability to fulfill certain needs. If we cut them out of the picture completely, there is no way, not even with all of the love a mother has, the need of a protective father figure can be met.

Oh, and here's a couple pictures of my amazing dad! 

So. Much. Pressure.

I like to think my picture sums it up! Come to think of it, we never see stress like this. 

It usually looks like this

So many things to process, so many emotions, so many outcomes. It's so hard to figure it all out. 

So why do people say. "Stress is a good thing!"?

Let's talk it out and get some logic behind this saying.

For me, stress keeps me going. It usually comes with school. When I have an assignment due and I don't really know how to do it, I turn to different things. First, my notes, then the book, and when I come to class, my teacher, and lastly some classmates. Now that I have help from 4 other resources I feel more confident about my assignment. So what does stress from homework have to do with families?

Think about it,  you have a problem, big or small, you turn to different resources for reassurance. Who are the people that know you the most? Your family. Sometimes it's hard to go to them because the situation is not a comfortable one to talk about. But you were given a family to go to in times of stress. You were given a family to relay upon. Only your family can truly help you through the hardest times of your life. And you know that they won't judge you in anyway, shape, or form. So, stress is a good thing. In these stressful situations, you come to your family for support and comfort. Stress helps bring our family together.

How to lose your spouse in 11 steps

Here are a couple of steps.

1. Build an emotional connection with someone that is not your spouse. Make inside jokes, talk to them about your problems, be vulnerable around them, bond.
2. Encourage visual thoughts of others that aren't your spouse. That could be posters, people you meet on the street, things of that nature.
3. After you've encouraged these thoughts of others, compare your spouse to them. Pros and cons of each. Maybe think you settled when you got married.
4. Forget the reasons you fell in love with your spouse. Forget the wonderful memories and laugh filled nights that made you realize you couldn't live without this person.
5. Forget the selfless service they give you everyday. The things they have given up in order to make the relationship work.
6. Forget the late night talks where you were completely vulnerable and they were there to help, comfort, understand, and love you through the rough times.
7. Forget the struggles you both have overcome. Separately and as a couple.
8. Forget the rewarding feeling that overcame you when you accomplished something so big with your spouses help. Oh! and forget that rewarding high five and kiss they gave you because they were so proud of you.
9. Forget the small details. Forget to give something small and sweet. Forget the ones you have received. Replace them with materialistic and replaceable memories.
10. Forget the promise you made to them and to God to love them forever.
11. Repeat

As you read these 11 steps, I hope you were thinking, "I could never do this to my spouse!" or "How could I just forget about everything we've been through?". That's the reaction most people have. But the sad part is that these things don't just happen over night. They take time. And if we are not careful it can happen before we know it.
So, how do we prevent this?
Remember 3 things.
1. You made a promise
2. Communication is key
3. You married your best friend.
If you wanna read more about the 3 things listed, visit my previous post intitled, "Mawage"

Physical Intimacy

I don't want to talk about the actual act. But the beauty behind it. How much symbolism it has and what it really mean. And why IT IS NOT a recreational activity. But something special between a husband and a wife. 

Lets take a look at this from 2 perspectives. Science and religion

SCIENCE

When we are physical with someone there are three chemicals that are released serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin. All of these chemicals are used for bonding. So if you are physical with someone your brain says, "Hey! You should really like them right about now." And they're right! In the moment you do. But what about after? Now there is this void and we don't know how to fix it. So then someone else comes around, and you do something physical and your brain gets all excited and releases the same hormones bonding you once again. Then the void comes back. This is a constant cycle. We CAN NOT control the hormones that our brain releases. So we will always feel a void, even if we are very satisfied in the moment. This, my friends is how addictions are formed. A need to fill a void.

RELIGION

It's plain and simple, we are to wait until we marry the person we love. But why? Well, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I believe that I make a covenant with my husband, but also with God. If I can not follow His commandment, how can I be true to my husband if I can't be true to my Father in Heaven? We are given the chance to create life. Something so beautiful and so sacred. And when it is with someone that we love and want to spend our life with, I know it will be wonderful. Not in a crude way, but because I know that it is not just an act for us, but a way to become closer, bond. 

Physical intimacy is in no way a bad thing. But it should be done in the right circumstances, within the bonds of marriage, and with the desire to become closer to your spouse. Then, you will never have a void. But a happy marriage and a strong bond between you and your spouse. 

Mawage

So here's the thing, I have no idea what it's like to be married, or what will happen after I get married and the trials my husband and I will face. What I do know, it that there will be MANY changes to my reunite and way of living. So how do I adjust?

Here are three things to remember

1. A PROMISE WAS MADE. Like the clergyman from The Princess Bride puts it, it is a blessed arrangement. How sweet is that?! Remembering that you made a promise to the person you adore, to love, support, and encourage them. Don't forget they made that same promise to you! To me, there is nothing that makes me happier than to remember how excited I am to make that promise with my fiance. Not only do you make this promise to your spouse, but to God. Promising Him that you will be faithful to the commandments He has given you and faithful to your spouse. Just think about that for a hot second. 

2. COMMUNICATION IS KEY! I am not too sure why people don't like to talk about the things that bother them, but it is 110% important! How will your spouse ever know that something is bothering you if you don't tell them? May I also add, that this should be done in a calm and loving manner. Not when you've had enough and are the maddest you've ever been. Tell them what's bothering you, negotiate, fix it, and kiss it better. 

3. YOU MARRIED YOUR BEST FRIEND. Right? I don't know about y'all, but there is no way I can be mad at my best friend for more than 15 minutes. Mostly because he tries to make me laugh whenever I get mad. Or tries his hardest to make me happy. When we marry our best friend, we are marring our number one fan. The person that wants us to be better than we were yesterday. If we think about that goof that we decided to marry however long ago, we will remember that they are not purposely trying to make us mad. And are more than happy and willing to make us happy. 

So I may not be married, but I like to apply these things with my fiance. And trust me, our relationship has been strengthened by remembering these things. It has worked for us and I hope it works for whomever decides to read this post. If it does, i'd LOVE to know! If it doesn't, help me learn how I can fix my theory!  

ALL IN ALL

tweasure your wuv

This just in

So I know this is for class and what not, but here's the thing. I'm engaged! This is for my faithful 5 followers. I don't want to go on too much, but, I will. This kid is the bees knees. My best friend in the whole world and I get to spend all eternity with him. Having him by my side is the best blessing. And the fact that he's super cute is just a bonus ;) 

What if he doesn't give me butterflies?

If I say love, what comes to your mind? Naps, butterflies in your stomach, racing hearts, nicknames only you and your partner think are cute. But what happens if that doesn't come first? Does that mean it's not meant to be?

It's funny how we can confuse love for warm fuzzy feelings. Don't get me wrong, I love naps with my whole heart because I get to cuddle with my fuzzy Spider-Man blanket. But when it comes to a person, there is so much more. 

If you think of your girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife, it's not always pretty and fuzzy, like my Spider-Man blanket, huh? There are rough times. And in those rough times is when you really start to love someone. 

YOU WANT THEM TO GROW.

 Maybe grow up because they're being a brat in that moment. But mostly you want the person that you love dearly to become better. 

PROGRESS.

You care and love them on a deeper level. When you get to this point you realize the butterflies don't really matter because your love for this person isn't shallow and just rushing hormones. 

Don't get me wrong, those butterflies will still be there! I mean, who isn't excited  to see the person they love? But they won't be the most important aspect of your relationship. 

When we love someone so much and we want to see them grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. (I heard post marriage weight stuff is real guys!) That is when we realize we have found the person we should be with for all eternity. And that is when we are able to see this person for their potential. In my case, the potential to be a worthy priesthood holder and provider for a family. When we see someone the way Father in heaven does, there is nothing that could break that bond. 

Immigration taking a toll on the family

When my family came to the United States, they were advised by their bishop to go as what they were, a family. Although it was hard for my parents to think of taking their 3 small daughters and venturing out to another country, they did it. Little did they know that moving together would be the best decision they made. 

My family consists of mom, dad, 4 girls and 1 boy, the youngest. The members of my family played the typical roles, mom cooked and cleaned, dad worked, older sister felt like the boss when mom wasn't around, and so on.

Now what would have happened if only my dad came to the States then my family joined him? First off, my brother nor I would have been born. But my mother would now be a single mom. Having to take on both mom AND dad roles. Working long hours to make ends meet. Who would've been mom? Next in line. My older sister. As time goes on, my family would have been so distant from my father, that his authoritative figure would've been lost. This family, now changed and will struggle to succeed. 

This, is what immigration is doing to families. I know, understand, and am fully thankful for the reasons so many parents decide to change their lives and move to a different country. I truly admire their courage and determination. 

My only suggestion is that they would move as a family. The reason they are changing their lives, they should conserve. Like my family, we are no way close to being perfect, but moving together, as a family, is what helped my parents succeed. Keeping our family role in contact, has helped build our relationships and has kept us so much closer.

Conflict, how it can help us

Conflict: "Noun: A struggle for power." - Merriam Webster Dictionary.

Think of that for a second, how could a struggle for power be a good thing in a relationship? Let's take a quick look at how a relationship usually goes. You like someone, you feel vulnerable as you admit these feelings, then grow closer as the feelings become mutual. Then, you don't see eye to eye on something. So what happens now that here is a struggle for power? 

A. You both leave it alone and hope that subject doesn't come back up

B. Someone just agrees and hopes it goes away

C. You both decide to talk it out. 

It seems as though the answer is obvious. If you care for someone, you talk it out. You understand each others point of view and come to a mutual agreement. 

How does this help your relationship?

Well, for starters, you know if that person is a hot head! And how to avoid that! 

But more importantly, you learn to grow, TOGETHER. You learn more about the person you are in a relationship and, hopefully, your feelings grow stronger. Why? Well, who doesn't like their opinion to be heard and mean something to someone else. Especially to the one person that is important to you. 

Conflict, my friends, is a blessing in disguise. This small struggle for power or need to have things our way, can help us determine if we are really committed to our partner. If we are willing to talk things out to make one another happy. 

But we're so different!

How could you love him if he is the complete opposite from you?
Time and time I have heard this from my friends, saying they are nothing alike and nothing good can come from this relationship. Well, I hate to say this to you but this is WRONG!
Maybe the small things, like your favorite color or your favorite place to eat, could seem like large differences. Will those things be the same in 10 years? Personally, I am not close to being the same person that I was 5 years ago. So many things have changed. But ya know what has stayed the same? Traditions that I hold near and dear to my heart, my religion, my standards. If you share those values and traditions with your special someone, is it not worth a try?

Being able to complement one another is a special, very important thing. Sometimes we don't see it because we are looking for, "the one." That one person that will match up perfectly with our likes and dislikes and you will never fight because you both like to do the same things.

My sincere desire is for those of you that believe this myth to be true, to sincerely see how important it is to complement someone. To have your defaults, be his strengths. To help aid and strengthen each other in becoming better people. And see that having the same core values, but different opinions on your tv show, is what will keep you together through the rough times of marriage.

Welcome, welcome

Friends,

I would like to welcome you to the place that will help me express to you my sincere love and admiration for the term, "marriage". My sincere hope is that my thoughts can stir up yours. And together, we can put more meaning into a simple word that seems to stress out many of us. I can not wait to hear your thoughts!